I might be the newest member of the Admiralty team but, having looked at those other two, I am clearly the most popular one, so let’s cut to the chase and just call this ‘The Dog’s Blog’..

A newcomer I might be, but I soon had the measure of the other two, not to mention Jamie and Rosemary. Wrapped round my little paw that pair, you’ve never seen anything like it! Dita is fine and fair enough, she’s doing her thing in her vivarium there, doesn’t much bother with the rest of the crew, but Walter does like to sleep on top of the tank because it’s warm and he thinks it makes him superior to look down on everything. He also thinks he can escape from me up there – ha! I just sit there and wag my tail and sooner or later, down he hops, secretly dying for me to play with him! I love playing with Walter! He puts up a front of being annoyed with some little boxing-style hooks (he’s definitely a southpaw), but they are so soft that I know he likes our play times. I love boxing! Then he runs off, but I know it’s only an excuse to present his bottom to me. I love sniffing bottoms!

As for passages, I’ve got Jamie and Rose totally trained: I get to cuddle up to whoever is on watch. Or whoever is off watch. (I love cuddles!). I dictate which by means of either being massively annoying outside, or by weeing inside. Easy! They make me wear a life jacket, which is sweet of them. At first I thought it made me look a bit wimpy, but now I quite like it. I like to think it’s my equivalent of Bruce Willis’ vest in Die Hard (all of them) when he’s blowing stuff up and battling terrorists; it’s heroic! I love my life jacket! I am a heroine of the seas! I look particularly cool when we go to shore in the tender, I’m up front, my ears flapping in the salty breeze, scanning the horizon for pirates (and, more importantly, good sticks)… I love going in the tender!

My life on board is pretty good – I am a thoroughly modern dog, and therefore I have a food intolerance (as all the cool folks have these days) – mine is red meat. But I *do* love red meat (they seem to think being intolerant to something is the same thing as not liking it! Ha!). And let’s not forget that I AM part-labrador. Thus, whenever they leave the door open to the cat’s lamb/beef food, I’m in like Flynn. I love stealing the cat’s food! And let’s not forget all those goodies I have access to on walks! All washed down by some superbly dirty puddle water – the dirtier the better in fact! I love puddles! I tried eating the poo of another dog once (another lab recommended it to me), but it wasn’t for me (Jamie and Rose seem pleased about this, but I don’t really see it makes a difference in the grand scheme of things) – but I just can’t get enough of red meat, seaweed, bits of dead fish, used cable ties, dirty tissues etc. After all, it’s not me that runs around carrying poo bags, is it?! I also love socks. And toes. And licking. And sniffing. Actually, I pretty much love everything.

I especially love my masters because they make it all happen. And they adore me. Which means I am the most doted on member of the crew, and I lap it up! Recently, there’s been a new arrival; Hugo. I love Hugo! He’s small and he makes quite a lot of noise – sometimes I get a bit worried about him, so I go and check on him and I lick his feet to reassure him it’s all ok. Or I lick his hands. Or his ears. I love licking! I’m sure Hugo will soon too – I just have to keep at it!

Sometimes I also get to go and stay with Julie and John – they have a big house with LOTS of friends for me to play with. Julie gave me a smart new haircut and everyone says I look even cuter now (I didn’t think that was possible, but who am I to argue?!).

I love it here. I get cuddles-a-plenty (I love cuddles!), lots of walks on beaches (I love beaches!), treats (I love treats!) even when I do things like sit or respond to my name (duh! Even the cat could do that if he wasn’t so arrogant!), they don’t moan if I pick up plastic bottles or random discarded mussel shells (I love bottles and shells!), I get to sit on the sofa (except the time I wee’d on it, but I wanted to go outside that time anyway and they weren’t getting it, so I had to resort to stronger measures) – I love sitting on the sofa!

I haven’t been allowed on the bed yet, but I hope to grind them down. They seem pretty set on not letting me though. Like if I go on it once they’ll never get me off it. Hmm, they’re probably right to be fair.